Courtesy of a favorite Madoff friend and fan...Good thing this place has email!
BLM
Washington, D.C. -
Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will
provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans with No Abilities Act (ANAA)
is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates
of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or
ambition.
“Roughly 50 percent of
Americans do not possess the competence and drive
necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves
in society,” said Senator Diane
Feinstein of California. “We can no
longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and
passed over. With this legislation, employers
will no longer be able to grant special favors
to a small group of workers, simply because they
have some idea of what they are doing.”
In a Washington press
conference, Senator Harry Reid pointed to the
success of the United States Postal Service, which has a
long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to
performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack
any job skills, making this agency the
single largest employer of Americans
of Inability. Private-sector industries with good records of
non-discrimination against the Inept include
retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%),
and home improvement “warehouse” stores (65%).
At the state
government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an
excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%). Mandatory
non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so
as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable
employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to
corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of
Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax
credit to small and medium-sized businesses that
agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the ANAA
contains tough new measures to make it more difficult
to discriminate against the Non-abled , banning, for
example, discriminatory interview questions such as, “Do you have
any skills or experience that relate to this job?”
“As a Non-abled person, I
can’t be expected to keep up with people who have
something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her
position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan,
due
to her inability to
remember rightey tightey, lefty loosey. “This new law
should be real good for people like me,” Gertz added. With the
passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented
citizens will finally see a light at the end of the
tunnel.
Said Vice President Joe Biden: “As an elected official with
no abilities, I believe the same privileges that
elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to
every American with no abilities. It is our duty
as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen,
regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take
up in this great nation and a good salary for doing
so.”
