Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Andy Madoff Confesses..

Dear Dad-

I've been pretty tight-lipped so far--as you can tell from the photo to the right, but I'm getting really pissed with all of the jibes you've directed at me. Especially after reading your "note" about Andy Sorkin, the reporter at The NY Times.

And please don't tell me to "shut up and just order a case of Bernie's Pisher Pads, scroll down the column on the right!" The fact is, we've already ordered a case for the 19th floor, and we don't need any more right now.

You might have the "Midas touch", and you think you know everything, but I need to confess something now; before you make any more agreements with the SEC or anybody else.

Remember that fishing trip down to Antigua? And, remember when you told me to "find a safe place"? Well, I think we might have a problem.

I just got a txt message from Frank D (it seems that he actually does know how to log on to the web), and someone (maybe A.J., or maybe his brother over at NYSE) , sent him a link to an article about Stanford Bank. I don't think its good news, but I'll let you be the judge of that, "Mr. Midas."

You didn't tell me how much you and Mom ended up depositing, but I'm thinking that you might want to send them a redemption notice. As in yesterday.

Seems that their "consistent year over year returns and CD payouts of 7.5%" are being questioned by a guy named Dalmady, could be another nutcase like that guy Markopolos.

But maybe he's on to something.. maybe because SIB uses invisible auditors, just like you. I don't know. You're the genius in the family, remember?

You'll probably think that I'm giving you the heads up on this only because I want to protect my inheritance. That's not the only reason. I'm thinking of how I'm going to need pay out on the divorce settlement with Debbie, and still have enough to live off for the rest of my life.

The good news is that nobody at the SEC, or any other US enforcement agency actually reads blogs, or acts on any tips, so its not like anyone is going to try and freeze their assets before you can take your money out. I mean Mom's money. Its out of their jurisdiction anyway. Which I guess is why sent me down there.

Tell Mom I said Hi..

BTW--Its not only pretty disgusting that you're referring to Mom as "Baby Ruth" on your blog, but its also very embarrassing for the rest of us.


  1. Hi Bernie:

    I'm not sure I can keep you out of the slammer much longer. You better lean on Ruth to pay the bills.

    I tried the toilet paper. You have a quality control problem. You would be well advised to call that Chinese supplier and complain. With your ugly face printed on the paper customers expect a smooth rub.

  2. Bernie,

    I know "Sir Allen" and I promised to hide you, but between your troubles, his troubles and that damned Rappaport thing I have going now, it probably wouldn't be wise for you to come back to Antigua.


    "Giant Malt"