#Madoff Sees SEC Steward Jump Ship w #Megaupload

From: Inspector General David Kotz
To: Mary Shapiro
cc: Bernie Madoff

Dear Mary:

It is with a deep sense of pride for "mission accomplished" that I bid you all adieu and take leave for my new mission as a high-paid private dick in the private sector.

Alas, as many times as you've called me "Col. Klotz" in ridicule, this will not be the last you hear from me;  I take with me ten box loads of correspondences and sworn affidavits from no less than 3000 reward-seeking, whistle-blowing congressional aides and interns whose knowledge about insider trading inside the halls of Congress have fallen on the deaf ears of the dumb dolts and spineless senior officials at SEC who insist that it would be "a conflict of interest" to pursue causes of action against the hands that feed them. Rest assured, these files have already been moved safely off-shore and megauploaded into e-file lockers that only I have the keys to, and will only be shared with those that pay a minimum $100,000 per month subscription (cash only!).

You might say that "these whistle-blowers are blowing into the wind," and some might even claim that my quest to serve as their advocate will make me a modern day Don Quixote. I say, "HA!" as I laugh in your faces and point to the millions of dollars that Harry Markopolos, who is an amateur compared to me, will be reaping from the mere handful of actions that he has brought to the court system.

But, unlike Markopolos, the training that I have received from Special Agent David Makol (over there on the right..), who I fondly refer to as "Flipper", has provided me with an arsenal of tactics in the art of confession coercion, from provoking pants peeing to water boarding, all of which will enable me to make untold millions from private clients seeking to extract confessions that, regardless of whether they can hold water, will yield bountiful bounties (or simply provide my high flying clients with information that they can bury).

Yes, you might argue that the Captains of Congress will trip in their lifeboats as the ship is sinking, and they'll pass whatever laws necessary to give themselves immunity from criminal prosecution. I laugh again! as I don't give a sh*t about criminal prosecutions anymore; my quest will find me in civil courts where judgements of punitive fines and treble damages will line my pockets with gold.

Speaking of gold, my hat is off to Bernie for his recent recommendation. I have already smelted the medals that have been pinned to my chest and have sent them to State Street to create a special ETF.
 
Yours ever truly,
D. Kotz